I Loved you till madness.

statue of liberty.

2011-12-11T22:26:00.001-08:00

you don't need me. if that's you want, then i am out.

2011-12-09T05:21:00.000-08:00

writing this down...

with a very sad song as the background.

i feel like giving my old blog a visit.

just to see how pathetic i was.

still am.

the world is stupid that way.

2011-12-09T05:17:00.000-08:00

madness is the word.

but i am not mad.

i am just disappointed in almost everything.

myself the most.

there's this part of me, wanting this whole episode of my life, to be over very soon.

there's also that part of me, that stupid part of me, that doesn't want this to end.

but it will end very soon.

right now, i can't wait for it

but i would be lost once this is over.

i know i would.

kecewa

2011-12-08T00:31:00.001-08:00

all my effort goes down the drain.

it's okay, at least it is done.

the life of a great procrastinator.

2011-12-05T19:46:00.000-08:00

two hours of Mr Thantawi's class was painful. well, it was not because of him or the subject, or anything that he talked about.

it was because of the fact that, i couldn't help but to hear a lot of voices, all pretty much talking about the same thing. that freakin AE, and assignments.

i was at a point, where i needed to get out of that class. the point where my heart felt like bursting out of the system. the heart thingy usually happens when i am mad/nervous or something. but that time, i felt lost, messed up, fucked up, and screwed up.

i asked myself a funny question. a silly one actually.

what kind of a life is this?

well, it is the life of a great procrastinator. that's the whole deal.

i am on my own.

i can't blame my supervisor,

i can't blame my lecturers,

i can't blame the classes,

i can't blame the books,

i can't blame anyone but myself.

i don't have that privilege to blame others.

as i have lived the life of a great procrastinator

isn't she lovely?

2011-12-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

siti amirah, you're being suicidal.

2011-12-05T11:25:00.000-08:00

more photos will be posted. *do i have visitors? nevermind that.

it's 3.26 am, and i haven't started on any freakin reports that i should do/finish.

thank God i have finished on my presentation. just need to present one last presentation tomorrow, and i am done, at least, for presentation.

but reports, i have a mountain of them. PLUS AE. i am only on my chapter 1.

my gawd, siti amirah, you're being suicidal.

Testing III: Valentina

2011-12-05T11:11:00.000-08:00

Testing II: Jurlina

2011-12-05T11:04:00.000-08:00

Testing I

2011-12-05T10:52:00.000-08:00

fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

2011-09-18T06:31:00.000-07:00

FUCK YOU!

ASSHOLE!.

i should hate you very much

but i DO, hate you very much.

yes, I DO

fuck you.

2011-08-19T16:19:00.000-07:00

you don't even know what i feel or going through,

so, stop being an asshole.

don't tell me not to do that,

but i will try not to do.

it's gonna be hard

but i fuckin will

will ya, siti amirah?

sadness that surrounds.

2011-07-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

i am sad, cause i feel sad. :(

why do i have to feel this way?

feeling sad, is sad.

marry a soap will ya?

2011-07-08T04:56:00.000-07:00

random things that i wanna say right now:

1. ko pehal, ingt ko bagus sangat?

2. budget betul.

3. boleh blah la.

4. pergi makan sabun la.

5. aku rasa mcm nak baling sabun kat ko.

6. memang sesuai dengan ko la sabun.

7. aku rasa macam nak baling sabun atas lantai, biar ko pijak and jatuh.

i can't say these things on facebook or twitter. sakit mata orang lain pulak membaca.

i know, it's pointless.

2011-07-08T04:49:00.000-07:00

i don't know why i have this feeling.

i don't get you, i wonder why other people get you.

no, i am not talking about people close to me.

i think, you seem to underestimate people a lot.

you seem to think that you're better than anyone else. *a good trait maybe

i don't know.

one thing for sure, i don't get you. and i am pretty sure that you don't get me as well.

i just have to let it out here.

a dying rose.

2011-07-04T18:14:00.000-07:00

kasut shalihah.

2011-07-04T18:05:00.000-07:00

plus i am bored. :)

isn't so bad after all.

2011-06-30T02:30:00.000-07:00

i watched Transformer: Dark of The Moon just now with my sister.the fact that Megan Fox is not in the movie, has made me less excited about the movie this time around.

but i watched anyway. and i am glad that i did watch the movie.

it was funny, the funniest among the three films of Transformer.

and the female lead, she isn't so bad her self.

damn sam, always gets the hottest girls!

and i love the autobots. love how they transform, the sound of their transformation.

worth watching, for me at least. :)

and the soundtrack, i am gonna find it.

i honestly want Barney and Robin, to be together.

2011-06-29T16:48:00.000-07:00

I googled 'love'

2011-06-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

the last one is my favourite.

drama.drama.drama.

2011-06-28T23:43:00.000-07:00

it has been ages, since the last time i watched a malay drama/film.

and now, at this very moment, i am watching this drama, i am not sure about the title.

it's about a guy, who loves this woman, real bad. she's the only one that he sees. unfortunately, the woman doesn't really know how to appreciate him, *cliche i know.

and now, this guy is suffering from colon cancer? yep, that's the one.

the guy wants a break-up, cause he doesn't want the woman to know. *cliche i know. duh.

"sangat seksa kalau kita nak meneka perasaan orang..." said by the lead actor.

my point is, you treat someone real bad, and when one fine day, that particular person, somehow, vanishes from this planet, how would you feel? what would you do?

don't treat people like shit, cause in the end, you will end up feeling like shit.

*a reminder to myself as well.

another thing that makes me wanna watch this drama until the end, would be the soundtrack! *the real reason honestly.

one of the songs, played.

Karena Ku Sayang Kamu

by Dygta

Seandainya kau ada disini denganku

Mungkin ku tak sendiri

Bayanganmu yang selalu menemaniku

Hiasi malam sepiku

Kuingin bersama dirimu

Ku tak akan pernah berpaling darimu

Walau kini kaujauh darimu

'Kan slalu kunanti

Karena ku sayang kamu

Hati ini selalu memanggil namamu, dengarlah melatiku

Ku berjanji hanyalah untukmu cintaku

Takkan pernah ada yang lain

Adakah rindu dihatimu, seperti rindu yang kurasa

sanggupkah terus terlena, tanpamu di sisiku

Ku 'kan slalu menantimu

life & death: complete uncertainties.

2011-06-28T02:22:00.000-07:00

my mom called just now!

she had operated this morning, because of something, at her back. i am not sure what it is, mom said they are gonna do a research on that.

whatever it is, thank You, Allah. i can't wait to see my mom now but she won't be going home tonight. i hope they will let her leave the hospital tomorrow.

and yeah, i really need to control my anger/emotion, *whatever it is.

cause in the end, i would regret it. *cause something bad would happen out of it.

today, i threw the keys to the steering wheel, and the keys bounced back at my fingers, yeay, blood on my finger! great siti amirah.

and at this very moment, a friend of mine, lost her grandfather, two days ago, to be exact.

Al-Fatihah to her late grandfather. May Allah bless him and i hope that friend of mine will be okay. and i know she will, someday.

she will miss him forever, but she will be okay. amin.

pretty different week.

2011-06-26T05:39:00.001-07:00

the whole week, *referring to last week.

i decided to take this job, a helper at a nursery.

i did think of opening up my own nursery later in the future. *not gonna happen.

i cleaned up poop. toddlers. pretty much everything except cooking.

i met cici, mariam, hana. these cute little toddlers, i miss them.

a full stop, right here.

2011-06-26T05:35:00.000-07:00

okay, i have had 3 different jobs over the past one month.

and now, i am just gonna sit at home, and do something else, at home.

i am thinking of baking, maybe.

maybe i'll join classes. i don't know. going to do these stuffs tomorrow, sorting out things that i would probably do, for rest of these two coming months.

gosh, that is freaking long, i say.

note to myself.

2011-06-18T05:22:00.000-07:00

SITI AMIRAH ABDULLAH!!!

stop going onlineeeee!

will ya?

okay.

sufo, mana kau?

2011-06-16T10:01:00.001-07:00

*click on the picture, for a better view.

ta daaaa!

the weird thing about this email was the heading.

No SuFO No Result.

padan muka.

keji ayat uitm.

depressing past.

2011-06-15T07:55:00.000-07:00

i have depressing past!

not really. but a few years of my life, a few years back, were pretty depressing!

all those emotional depressing posts, *sigh

confession. i still keep a blog. once i was a regular visitor/writer there. now, i don't go there anymore. i had made it private. but i still keep it.

but i don't go there anymore. at all.

it's a hidden dark stage of my life. that i wish to forget.

it is there, but hidden.

there were days, when i would click on it. and quickly exited it. now, this is scary. it is like a haunted blog.

why I cannot wait for season 7

2011-06-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

of Supernatural and How I Met Your Mother?

1. These two are Barney and Robin in How I Met Your Mother. The end of season 6, Barney was getting married to an anonymous chick. i am hoping that bride would be Robin. why? cause i love how these two fell in love in the first place. well, i love how Barney felt before he finally let out his feeling for Robin.

1. From left, Dean, Bobby, Sam, Castiel. :)

I just watched the ending of Season 6. sad. *real slow when it comes to catching up tv shows.

Castiel is no longer an angel. too much bad souls i am guessing.

i seriously can't wait for season 7. and thank you for not making this season as the last one.

Yeay! for another season. *sounded gedikish there.

i am getting older, so does the world.

2011-06-15T06:52:00.000-07:00

death. i am scared of death. death equals to pain. so much pain.

this morning, i had a fight with my mom. not really a fight. more like me being rude to her.

she left early to school today because she had to go on a trip to Padang Besar. quite far, i would say. more than two hours trip. so i would only see her again at night.

the whole day i kept calling her, cause i wanted to hear her voice. and asked her to buy something for me. * i felt bad for being rude, and wanted to call her, because i wanted to call her.

this whole deal got me thinking. i am getting older. she's getting older, my dad is getting older as well. *they are both 51 this year.

what would i do if i were to lose them someday? what will happen to me? will i move on?

okay. stop.stop.

when i have these thoughts in my mind, i would shake my head, as if the thoughts would disappear. i always do this, the shaking thingy to make thoughts disappear [kepercayaan karut, thoughts don't just disappear like that]

and because shaking my head that way doesn't work, the thoughts would be there.

i wish to be trapped in a time loop.

#sitiamirah, what is wrong with you?

2011-06-15T06:42:00.000-07:00

i don't know what in the world is wrong with me.

it is like i have a conflicted heart. mind most probably.

there are things that i know, are wrong to do. and i hate it when i did those things.

for example, being a bitch, to my parents.

what is wrong with me?

everyone in their right mind knows this. heck, i know this myself.

"we should not take people for granted."

my parents, are blessings from God. I have been everything that a daughter should not be. i have wronged them in so many ways, and yet, they are still being good parents to me. amazing parents.

and there i was this morning, being a bitch. for stupid reason.

i should stop. i know i should.

and i will.

i will hold my temper. my stupid emotional breakdown, my love for money *more like lust these days.

i will hold my everything. and be good. for once.

*said this over and over again about being a good daughter. and yet, here i am. what the hell is wrong with you, siti amirah???

heart, get smart, will ya?

2011-06-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

i SERIOUSLY should stop going online. because every time that i go online, i would definitely bump into something that would make me feel sad, or down. it never fails to make me feel this way, all sad and down. what kind of a life is this? why should i own this kind of heart? why can't this heart feel nothing?

...but i can't seem to stop going online.

but i manage to get online lesser these days.

really young human beings.

2011-05-18T05:54:00.000-07:00

kids. young people. children. we have so many names for this group of people.

maybe we should call them, little human beings. no, doesn't sound right. young human being, but then again, this name can be applied to me as well, after all, i am young. ;)

okay then, really young human beings. nevermind that! they are young people, like really young. everyone on this freakin earth knows this, so stop battling over something that is pointless. but then again, doing pointless thing is like my job. okay stop right now.

i love looking,

their pretty faces

their innocent faces

their smiles

their troubling expressions.

no, i am no a maniac/pedo or anything.

i just think they are beautiful, that's all.

beautiful in so many ways,

in ways that we older people seem to have lost it.

i love smelling babies. does that make me a freak?

2011-05-18T05:46:00.000-07:00

this post is nothing about the smell of babies or anything.

but what i am about to post is, my favourite video, found on Youtube.com

not that bad after all. of an experience.

2011-05-18T05:09:00.000-07:00

okay, i just quit my job yesterday. another antique of mine, quitting jobs.

the last one was making kaya balls at Carrefour Seberang Jaya. yeay!

fuckin' ten thumbs up for me. i am gonna need 5 people to do that.

never mind, i'll settle down with only 2 thumbs up then.

a fuckin' yeay!

i don't see this as a bad thing, i would call this as another experience, that i have gone through in my life.

tell ya what, i am good at it! like seriously shit. i know it.

i should have taken at least one photo of those balls i made.

the people that i worked there, they have been really nice to me. real nice. their hospitality was great. too nice, i guess, somehow scared me. whatever it was, thank you!

three days seemed like a week. why? Carrefour's Management sucks to the core. i ain't a slave, and so does my Boss! get your hands off, will you?

so, now... i officially know how to make Kaya Balls!

and just now, someone called me, asking me about that job, Pembantu Taska. wtf to me.

holidays... ??

2011-05-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

it has been more than one week, at home! and i am still freakin' jobless.

i have nothing. except many stupid things. well, not many, just a few to be named in this past one week.

1. i become more vain. like seriously shit. i posted two videos, of myself, doing nothing, and talking shit. shit that i have a hard time understanding what i just said.

2. i went to a job interview. i should have lied!

3. i am hooked to this new korean drama, The Princess. is it a new drama? heck i don't care. but it is pretty good. on my fourth episode now.

4. stressing out about money, on and off. i hate it when money's not in love with me.

5. battling with own internal issues! wtf.

all of these, are nothing. if i were to compare these to the pain of others. this is more like a dot, in a drawing, made of dots.

i should be grateful for the life, i am leading now. i created those problems. it is all me. so siti amirah, be grateful, will you?

Batu Feringhi Night Market: Kedai Lampu.

2011-05-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

Penang, a one day experience.

2011-05-07T17:52:00.001-07:00

yesterday, i toured almost the whole Penang island with a few of my friends from other different places. some of the places that we went to yesterday, i have never been there since forever! crappy tour guide i say!

we started off in the morning, they were all so excited about taking the ferry to island, and yeah, we did that.

1. Chowrasta Road, nothing much there, except for that old bookshop that i used to go when i was a kid.

2. Padang Kota Lama, it has been ages since the last time i stepped my feet there. we took a lot of photos, i mean, they took a lot of photos, i was the photographer! :)

3. Queensbay Mall, just went there to see that place, didn't really do anything there. bought something for my little sister; her sewing class. and something for me as well. there is a shop that sells lomo camera there, but looking at the prices there; i better buy these online.

4. Pisa, Pikom PcFair. stupid sales guy, sold me damaged goods, and now i have to go back there and change it!. wtf to you!. and to me, as well, for not checking those two before handing the money!. that was a genius act from me. yeay!

5. It was really hot. like seriously shit hot. and hot. the weather i mean. we went to Gurney Drive, to eat Pasembur and stuffs but seriously, better pasembur can be found at local night markets. don't have to go that far, next time to eat good pasembur. But Laksa Penang was quite good.

6. Next stop, Batu Feringhi! did i spell that right? Nevermind.

The last time i was there... wait, let me check... it's not there, i don't remember; it has been that long. i don't remember going there, at all, not at all. but then, my dad said that we did go there, when i was a kid.

er.. ayah, maybe i was still a baby, back then? that is why i don't seem to remember a thing?

nevermind that again, i shall stop bitching about that now and focus on the real thing.

it was quite far from civilization, not really far, just a few minutes. maybe more. but as soon as we reached the there, the town of Batu Feringhi, it was like a total different place there. the houses along the way, my Gawd, which rich people own these places??

we waited until 7.30 at the beach, for the night market. so many stuffs, the usual stuffs that you would find at other night markets and some other things that you won't.

i shall stop crapping now. and let see the photos taken on that day!

2011-04-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

it is so sad, that it's hard to fake my smile.

crying is all i do.

it's not that i want to cry. but i can't help it.

i really wanna go away, away from everything.

2011-04-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

if i were to get sick, would anyone be there for me?

if i were to be sad, would anyone be there for me?

if i were to die, would anyone miss me?

would anyone do that for me?

all things strawberry. well, two things only.

2011-04-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

random shit again. and again.

2011-04-17T11:52:00.001-07:00

random!. like seriously shit random.

1. dogs. i don’t hate them, but they do scare the shit out of me. i mean, they are dogs, what is wrong with me? but then again, they can bite as well, so i am not being completely irrelevant about my feeling towards them. when i see them around, my heart skips a beat, and i am not even in love those dogs. wtf.

2. two days straight, mural painting. went to school early in the morning, i got home around 7 o’clock in the evening. i need my weekends. i want to get up early in the morning and buy breakfast at any market. and then watch tv. maybe do a little house cleaning. i wanna do all that. but these few last weekends, i had not been able to do that. school! nevermind, i should not be complaining about that. this week would be my last, and after that, i would probably miss going to school.

3. again, mural painting. i almost threw a fit today, with my friends/schoolmates. cause i was just to tired, to continue with the painting. i really wanted to go home, and sleep. that was on my mine the whole morning. but luckily, i did not go on with my feeling, continued with the mural painting! and now, we’re done! thank you.

4. i am broke. broke. i miss money, my honey. money makes me happy, money makes me crazy. money is the only thing that i think of. when i wake up in the morning, i would think of money. every night, before going to sleep, money is on my mine as well. money also can make me a jerk if money isn’t around to soothe me down. well, money, i am in love with you, honey.

5. i am going to save up a lot of money, to go traveling in the future. so please, future me, work your ass off!

6. i still miss you money honey.

7. i miss my parents, i miss my annoying siblings.

8. i miss them, it has been a long time since i last prayed for them.

9. sometimes, i would just close my eyes, and pretend to hear his voice calling out for me, when he wanted to ask me if i wanted something.

10. life’s tough. but i gotta deal with, ain’t nothing new about that.

a pretty pointless post with a point.

2011-04-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

these days, we see so many young people, well, younger generation as in those still their teen years, wanting to be famous/popular and other things.

i don’t see the point of me saying something that i have just mentioned and what i am about to say.

this is confusing. wait.
what i am trying to say here is that we should all stop being bitches and whores for a moment.

take Rebecca Black for an example. last couple of weeks, she has been quite a sensation all around the globe. well, for her song, being the worst. trending on twitter, and tumblr, posts reblogged. and facebook, i am not sure about that.

she has become quite a big, for her song which seems really stupid, and thus made her looked stupid, with that stupid music video.

i read somewhere that her mom paid for her experience. i think, i am not sure.

what i want to say here, is that people should not giving her a hard time, wait, people should probably do that, so that she would realize that song of hers, is really crappy. but that ain’t the point here.

the people who should really be blamed for here, are those who let her do all this stupid shit in the first place. why can’t you write a better song for her? and maybe a better video at least? but then again, no good music video can fix that song.

they should not pretend that song would be a huge hit. they should pretend to like that song, and “woah, that’s pretty amazing voice, and what a song to top that! this would be big” [ of course i have completely no idea what those people said about this song, but it must have gone down that way somehow]

if the song sucks, then tell the song to suck it. well, the writer of course. you don’t lead people to think something that is far from the truth. that is just plain wrong.

The things that went through my mind when i was watching the unplugged version of ‘Friday’

“what is going on?

“why are these people doing this? “

“is she that dumb/stupid?”

“these people, what is wrong with them?”

“they were all looking so fake?”

“is she faking as well?”

“does she realize that the song suck?”

[i should be sleeping now. what am i doing. get a life, bitch.]

in short, for those people who let Rebecca sang this song in the first place, fuck you, assholes. you just ruined someone’s life.

for rebecca, if you were the writer, stop, no more singing your own song, unless it’s fuckin good, or making sense.

for those people out there, stop bashing other people. you don’t even know them in the first to be saying bad things about/to them. you have no right to do that. most of the people you bash, you must have not known them that well, to say all those hurtful words.

give people a chance. chances would be good.

[seriously? seriously? go fuckin sleep and stop crapping about Rebecca!]

fuck you.

2011-04-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

i don't think i wanna put all these thoughts of mine into an entry.

let's just leave it like this. it's still an entry though.

well, fuck you. and the world i am guessing.

thank God that the faculty ain't stupid enough to postpone the post-prac.

oh.my.God.

2011-04-10T19:42:00.000-07:00

my definition of hotness. cuteness. my gawd. he is.... oh my.

5 weeks of agony? really?

2011-03-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

5 weeks left, for me, as a teacher, well, as a trainee teacher.

gosh! i can't wait.

i can't wait for the month of May to come. now is the last two weeks of March.

wait, why am i talking about months. yes, March sure comes after February, and May, the fifth month that comes in a year. so, everybody knows this.

but that's not my point.

my point would be, 5 more weeks and then i am done! at least for this semester.

boys, i will miss you but the observations gotta go. :) but i will still miss you.

and i can't wait for Friday Night to come!

2011-03-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

i always like the sky when the sun's setting.

a glimpse of hell.

2011-03-21T19:00:00.000-07:00

no, this place is nothing like hell.

hell should be worst

this place is nothing compared to hell

but still,

i don't wanna be here. period.

world's biggest fool.

2011-03-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

omg. finally. i just got myself an award. well, i should have gotten that earlier. well, maybe i did.

world's biggest fool, yeah, that's the award. i am proud of myself now, yeay!

okay, i know where this blog is leading now, to depression maybe.

i feel like scratching my brain out.

slamming my head to the wall, see if the brain bursts out.

do i have a brain that i can scratch out. maybe i don't because i just won the world's biggest fool award. great. no brain to be scratched out.

reality check: i don't want my brain to be scratched out. that would be scary. and dead?

random shit again.

2011-03-19T03:15:00.000-07:00

2011-03-15T06:12:00.000-07:00

This photo, was taken more than two years around, around January or maybe February 2009. now, it's already March 2011. Time flies real fast, it was only yesterday that this house was still being built by my father and my late uncle. but now, at this very second, my late uncle ain't here anymore, and my father is 51 years old this year!. He's aging, and so does my mom. they are both getting older, and me, yes, i will turn 23 this coming October. 23!
(this is like the second post, of me, talking about being 23 and nothing. what's with me?)
a sign me, that i should actually act like a 23 year-old woman? is there any suitable word that i can use to replace the word 'woman'? I'll get back to this later.

I've been thinking. yeah, i can think. most of times, i would usually think about unnecessary stuffs and would ignore the important ones. i tend to do that a lot.

i am currently a trainee teacher at a school. and i suck at being a teacher. i am not sure i have been teaching them properly or not. honestly, i do want them to excel in the language, seriously i do. but can i actually use my own way, and skip everything that i have trained to do, all these years?
i hate being observed. one part of practicum that i hate the most, being observed by someone, who doesn't even know me, and judged me the second she saw me teaching.
all i can do is complaining, here. whining there.

but complaining and whining won't help me getting through practicum. these two won't do anything much but only dragging me down.
so, i should suck it all up!. and play a good teacher.

i do love my boys. yes, i do, and i care about them. but i just wanna get through this whole practicum now!

p/s: this post is pretty... i don't know how to put it into words. one minute i was crapping about being 23. and the next, it was something else already! i need to get my life on track. when was the last time my life was on track?? lemme see..... mmmm. 2002!... that bad? but then again, i do remember the last time my life was on track. :)

jackass II: in theater now.

2011-03-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

one of the worst that people can do is, assuming things that we don't know.

for example, a friend always comes late to class everyday, i am assuming that she wakes up late everyday, stays up late at night or something. behind that every assumption, we always miss the little details which convey the real truth. maybe that one particular person is doing a part-time job, or something else.

you, most things happen because of reasons. things just don't happen out of nowhere.

wtf was i trying to say up there?

am i being mean?

am i being a jackass?

is this wrong?

2011-03-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

armageddon in the making.

2011-03-11T18:48:00.000-08:00

mak, ayah, i am really sorry. i feel like slapping myself, the moment i typed in the word 'sorry' just now. of all sons and daughters in the world, i am that one person who doesn't deserve anything at all. but still, i am sorry. when this is over, i'll drop everything and come home.

you both are the greatest parents that i can ever have. and thank you God for making them my parents.

nisah, jima, azeeza, shalihah, i may not be the perfect sister that you guys can have, but i will take good care of you guys, no matter what. you are pain in my ass, but then, my ass is big enough to take all the pain. wtf. what i am trying to say, is, i love all for of you, no matter how shitty you can get. well, i can get all shitty, and all of you, be there and take my shit! cause i will take yours. :)

and you,

the world is coming to an end,

but i am still in love with you

and this can never be a good thing

when the world is falling apart.

that point in life.

2011-03-10T08:21:00.000-08:00

i have been really/seriously/shit busy with the school.

well, at this point in this lifetime, who wouldn't?

two months to go, and i am done. maybe i am gonna miss my students.

i don't know.

maybe i will miss my life, as a student. well, i am gonna miss that. for sure.

23 years old this year, and nothing. :(

p/s: that's me, thinking about life. (referring to the photo)

baldi service: call this number 0123-this-is-vain. or you can also visit this website for more details. www.middlenamevain.com

wishful thinking.

2011-03-10T08:01:00.001-08:00

Broga Hill, Selangor.

I have always wanted to go here, to take

pictures, and stuffs. mostly for the taking photos part only. i heard about this from a friend of mine, a very important friend actually. well, nevermind that.

we planned on going there together, but i was just too busy with my life (do i have one??)

she went there first with other people, well, couldn't really say anything. we are living a completely different life. wait, why am i talking about this. i just miss her, maybe one of these days, i would go and see her there.

now, the Broga thingy, the hill.

I could say that Broga was my first time, hiking a real hill, and it will stay as 'was'. there shall not be any hill for me to conquer, once is enough.

going up was one thing, tiring, the normal stuff of hiking, sure you'll get tired, i mean, who wouldn't? unless your house is up that hill, and you do that like everyday~~.

it was tiring. like seriously shit. but that was normal.

but the going down. oh my God. it was scary, i almost didn't make it down there. and that moment, maybe i am actually acrophobic? really? i was not sure about anything at that time, only one thing, i was freaking scared!!

the only thought that i had was, "can i just close my eyes, and tadaa!! i am on the ground already"

but the view, i say, splendid!

yes, i would go back there, only when cable cars are installed there.

no cable car, no Broga.

now, i would only go to hills, or any higher grounds, with access to roads, ones that you can actually use modern technology to get there.

now, stop complaining. start wishing for cable cars.

2011-03-06T00:51:00.000-08:00

it feels like my head's about to explode

so does my heart.

i feel like screaming out loud.

killing another human being?

would that even possible?

when life happens.

2011-02-06T09:58:00.000-08:00

you see, people change. hell i have heard this a million times already. i bet it is the same thing for everyone else. well, there's a lot of truth in that. i won't deny it.

but. a big BUT here.... things can also change, when people miraculously don't change.

hell, I HAVE CHANGED OVER THE YEARS. WELL, WHO DOESN'T?

fuck the hell off, you stupid moronic issues.

2011-02-06T09:39:00.000-08:00

okay, it's 1.45 am. and i have a few MAJOR issues that i have.must deal with.

i can't help it, and i am sorry for that. real sorry because i can't help how i feel.

stupid issues. i should be having these right now. i hate when i have issues (only known by me)

somehow, i will turn into a issue-deprived bitch? i don't know.

i wish that there is a machine, that can delete any memory, or thought that i don't wish to remember. but then again, that ain't life. [lapar/hungry]

people, people, build that machine, pretty please? [i am still hungry.]

okay, maybe i should just sleep. waking up makes me hungry. well, first time in weeks, i only ate once today. that is an achievement, people.

i bought a new pack today. wtf to me for buying a new one.

make way for beautiful people.

2010-12-28T05:53:00.000-08:00

yes, i have posted these photos, to my tumblr, facebook. you name it. they are both beautiful...

should have known.

2010-12-28T05:42:00.000-08:00

God, i feel stupid.

i should have known

i should have realized

but then again,

i have known everything that should be known

i have realized everything that should be realized

but still, i pretend to look the other way,

i pretend not to know that

i pretend not to realize this

but now

i think, may be a good time for me to accept the truth, and move on.

the truth that i have always ignored

i have thought about this. real good.

but deep down, i know my heart's gonna fail me again.

as it always does.

random shit.

2010-12-25T20:06:00.000-08:00

every time i see you,

my heart skips a beat,

my heart drops,

everything slows down and i would hold my breath,

cause i am afraid you would take my breath away.

as you always do.

but this time, i would hold it so bad, so tight

i would not mind suffocating, until you are out of sight.

then only i'll breathe again.

what does your personality say about...

2010-12-24T03:30:00.001-08:00

what type of phone that suits your need.?

questionnaire

1. What do you normally do when you are angry?

(/) throw my phone or anything near me to the wall

( ) stay quietly on the bed

( ) scream my lung's out

2. does clumsy is your middle name?

(/) that's my last name i think.

( ) hell no!

( ) nope, i don't think so, why?

two questions are enough to determine what type of phone suits you/me best.

well, if you were to answer this questionnaire, and your answers would be the same as mine, then, you might as well get the same phone, as i am.

i love my phone. ;)

saya suka gambar ini kerana...

2010-12-22T00:40:00.000-08:00

saya suka gambar-gambar di atas kerana ia menunjukkan emosi yang berlainan bagi setiap gambar. gambar-gambar yang diambil agak perasan. :) but that's the beauty of camwhoring and where the fun comes from.

saya kena tag 3 orang blogger yang lain.

saya tak tahu nak tag sapa.

so. saya akan tag orang yang suka amik gambar sendiri

1. Vel

2. Valen

3. Khalidah

tapi macam banyak ja yang lain yang suka amik gambar sendiri

okay, terima kasih. :)

because i love camwhoring so much...

2010-12-22T00:39:00.001-08:00

for the above reason, i decided to join a contest. so, i hope you readers would not mind the next post. :)

tagging everyone. :)

2010-12-19T21:37:00.000-08:00

The last person to hurt you apologizes, do you accept?
yes, i would accept if a person apologizing to me because i would want the same thing if i were in their place. however, i don't remember anyone apologizing to me. we assumed we did. it works that way. not healthy, i know.

Last person you kissed calls you, what do you say?
never really been kissed, so can't really answer this.

Do you pass out at the sight of blood?
i am guessing not. still, i hate the smell, well, who doesn't.

Is there anyone you couldn’t live without?
yes, of course. i am human with feelings after all.

What are you planning on doing after this?
eating maybe. gosh. i should stop eating.

Have you ever slapped someone?
does slapping on the ass count? then yes.

Will tomorrow be better than today?
hope so! we'll never know.

Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
i am not sure i could consider him as my bestfriend or not.

What is worse, physical or emotional pain?
emotional of course. but there were times when i cried because of physical accidents (something big hit my face, hot water spilled), that was because of the physical pain. i was embarrassed. so, yeah, emotional pain all the way!.

When’s the last time you had a real smile on your face?
last night, this morning. i can't really tell.

Whose car were you in last?
my dad's.

How long is your hair?
not really long, not really short. but it's getting longer now.

Last movie you watched?
cinema: skyline.. way way more than 1 month ago.
laptop: youth in revolt. it was a pretty good movie.

Who were you with?
shalihah was here just now. is that the question?

Last thing you drank?
plain water.

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
megan fox? or maybe james franco. yeah, James Franco!

Have you ever seen a dead body?
.. yes. a memory that last till now.

How long do you think you will live?
i don't know. what kind of question is this?

Person you want to talk to?
no one in particular.

What was the first thing you did this morning?
this is pathetic. cityville, harvesting my crops.

The color of carpet in your bedroom?
it is a mixture between red, brown, green?

Last person you went out to dinner with?
my family. been home for two months now.

Are you spoiled?
no. not really. but i am lazy as hell.

Do you drink lots of water?
you could say that.

How do you vent your anger?
i tend to break stuffs. things around me.

Who was the last compliment you received from?
compliment?

When was the last time you threw up?
zul yahya's, two months ago,

What theme does your room have?
orange-kinda-theme i am guessing

Are you a mama’s child or a daddy’s child?
i love them both just the same.

Would you ever join the military?
no, not really.

The last website you visited?
tumblr. found this questionnaire that i am currently answering.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
myself?

Last person you went to the movies with?
shalihah. she wanted to go in the middle of the movie. don't watch non-cartoon movie with your little sister.

Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?
i just wanna stay here. the present i mean.

What are you looking forward to right now?
my mom's cooking. ayam masak merah i think. :)

Is it hard for you to get over someone?
hell yeah!. i am definitely not a fan of Mr'moving-on'. we don't get along very well.

Do you get along with boys?
just okay.

Do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
yes. yes. yes. but on the inside, i am still the same person. i think. no, yes, i am.

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough?
i believe in Karma.

How late were you up last night?
12 something, was finishing a novel.

Do you believe in love?
yes?

Did you kiss or hug anyone at all today?
nope!

Song you wanna live in?
currently, like a G6, my other songs are just too sad to be lived in.

# Finally. that's a lot of questions! this is actually a tag, from myself. to you, who happens to read this post. :)
yeah, i am bored.

don't turn a blessing into a curse. ain't pretty.

2010-12-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

internet. i doubt that anyone in this world, particularly my world, can live satisfyingly without internet.

with internet, you get to connect with everyone, especially those who are far away from us.

you don't have to go to the bank anymore, we have CIMB clicks, Maybank2u, and almost every bank has its online service. even our government now is making full use of the internet. for example, my mom has to check her payment slip or whatever through the net now. you can actually buy stuffs from the net as well, online shoppings that we have these days, are unbelievable. it is a blessing.

and a curse, when people in the same house, use internet. what happen to the people in that house? what if all the time that we have in a day is spent online-ing?

that's why there should be a balance in using the internet that we have. you don't wanna turn a blessing into a curse, do you?

*a simple reminder to myself. and maybe everyone else out there.* because i really wanna choke my sister right now.

only love can break your heart.

2010-12-15T06:16:00.000-08:00

these are the normal stuffs which happen to most of us out there. the situations maybe different but they are all the same.

#1. you lost a novel, that you worked your ass off to buy it in the first place. it broke your heart.

#2. your parents went out and forgot to buy you newspaper. you have been asking for that since two days ago.

#3. your favourite band split up. it broke your heart.

#4. your friends lied to you. it broke your heart.

#5. you did not ace in a subject that you have tried the hardest, because you like doing that. it broke your heart.

you love that novel, you are upset because you thought that your parents didn't seem to mind you, you love that band, you love your friends, and you love that subject. you've got so many loves going on, and it breaks your heart when somehow, the table turns, turning down all your expectations.

every single thing that happens in our life,

leaving us heart-broken, there's only one thing that can lead to that.

your heart doesn't break for something that you don't care, don't give a damn.

it only breaks for the things that matter in your life.

so, when your heart breaks, do take note that it matters to you. without you even realizing it.

so, only LOVE can breaks your heart. and nothing else.

It's an all boys school and i am freaking out!

2010-12-15T05:25:00.000-08:00

oi, broadband, what's wrong with you? i just wanna see that video, is that so hard for you to load? it's only the 15th day of this month, and i doubt that you have reached your 5GB. I fucking download nothing, remember?

and me, what is wrong with you? talking to your broadband on your blog? can get any stupid than this? sure, you can.

okay, i found out the name of the school that i'll be spending my three months of practicum.

Sek. Men. Keb. Methodist ACS, Klang.

It's an all boys school. and it's in Klang.

first of all, i'll be teaching only boys. only boys. that would suck. a million times.

and it's in Klang, the busiest roads, with so many cars, lorries, and anything that moves on the road, they are there, everyday, every hour, every minute, every second. not exaggerating, but that's the truth. and many roads are still under construction, and that sure worsen the traffic. personally, Bandar Klang is one of the city that has the worst traffic.

honestly, these two don't really matter. i don't mind the traffic, i don't mind the distance, maybe i do mind the fact that it's an all boys school. but these two are nothing compare to how my teaching would be.

no, i won't ask for a change.

i won't trade it with another school.

but...

would i be able to pull it off?

would they be able to comprehend me?

oh God. Help.

10 random things.

2010-12-12T06:03:00.000-08:00

#1: my back, it hurts like hell. literally. seriously.

#2: i wish to have a remote control, that i can actually fast forward events in my life. and maybe slow down a little on the good parts.

#3: been googling on islands all over Malaysia, and places where i can go, another sweet escape for this semester.

#4: i did post about me, being a fan of not-so-stupid movies. well, i watch other genres as well. try 'love in the time of cholera', won't recommend it though. i only watched the movie because the movie revolved around the older days. somehow, i like movies made based on the time line when telegram was the new phone.

#5: decided not to delete any of my social networks that i have joined.

#6: my parents can really cook, i find it hard resisting the meals at home. but then again, i always find it hard, resisting any good meals even if it weren't made by them.

#7: once graduated, i will try applying for 'pegawai penjara'. i think my face looks fierce enough. it is just that body is not fit enough. i have one year to do that, preparing myself for the interview.

#8: next sem, part 7 to be exact, i will do my practicum. everything is still unknown, and that somehow scares me. yes, i am worried about who my supervisor would be. but i am more worried about the teaching part, i am afraid that my students would have a hard time comprehending me!

#9: and now, my back pain ain't getting any lesser. i should lie down. and sleep. must wake up early. i don't have weekdays or weekends anymore.

#10: i have been thinking and decided that i will not go to your wedding. the things that i think about, sometimes really don't make any sense. (macam kena jemput ja aku ni)

okay, done!

maybe i should...

2010-12-12T01:30:00.000-08:00

maybe i should delete my facebook,

maybe i should delete my tumblr,

maybe i should delete my twitter,

maybe i should delete this blog,

maybe i just fucking delete myself from people. and the world.

yeah, why not!

stupid... but then again, not really :)

2010-12-11T05:48:00.000-08:00

why stupid movies that i love watching ain't that stupid, maybe not stupid at all.

well, i don't really have reasons for that, you have to watch the movies your self. for example, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, sounds stupid, to me, but it's definitely not stupid enough for me to hate it. it was made brilliantly, and the sequel, Deuce Bigalow: European gigolo, since i only have two thumbs, so, two thumbs up from me! ;) [seriously speaking, i don't know why i am talking about this, typing. ] i love other movies from Rob Schneider... and Ben Stiller as well...

this man, right here, is a genius!

stupid movies, that i would most probably not enjoy watching, scary movie 1, 2, 3...., all that kind of movies... why, cause they are fucking stupid... but then again, who am i to judge and critic if these were to fall into your favourites. that is a fucking right that you are entitled to...

the point of this post: nothing. just a random thought that occurred to me today... :)

all i want is...

2010-12-07T00:09:00.000-08:00

a random guy on facebook, who i think is supercute. ;)

if i have the money, and time... in the future.

i would wanna go here, Pulau Gemia, Terengganu.

seriously, i only want you. but you're far more impossible than these two. would the first one be possible? almost i say...

SO... i think i should not hold on to you anymore, there's nothing left for me to hold on to. with this, i will try to move on, and get a life!

this means more vacation's coming... and sure that needs a lot of money. *sigh*

this is a rather pointless post.

really. wtf.

being home.

2010-12-06T23:47:00.000-08:00

my mom's favourite pastime: nagging at me.

my dad's : i think he likes it when my mom nags at me, or maybe he could not stand seeing me, sleeping...

so, he put 'tudung saji' inside my room, called out for my mom, saying that i kicked that thing into the room,!. ayah!.. tolong lah!

i love them both. sorry that you have me as your daughter. but i still love you guys, and my siblings as well. pain in my ass, but hell i love them!.

I loved you 'til madness

2010-12-06T23:43:00.000-08:00

i don't know why. this song has nothing to do with me. but somehow, i feel connected. wtf right?

FT Island - Love Love Love

no, it's not you tumblr.

2010-12-06T23:35:00.004-08:00

okay, tumblr was a bitch yesterday, and it came back on last night.
and just now, as i was busy reblogging, it went down again!. wtf.
i don't feel like posting this on facebook or twitter, done that yesterday, so i can't bitch about tumblr there.

so, here i am...
what the hell is wrong with you tumblr?
this is actually not your fault at all. not at all.
it's me, i feel really sad right now, and all i can think of is reblogging the photos, quotes on tumblr that somehow potray my current emotion.
this is pathetic.

i feel really down, and i don't think tomorrow's going to be any better.
i just hope what i am going to do tomorrow will help, at least, a bit.

sweet escape.

2010-11-22T16:54:00.000-08:00

another crappy point. :)

2010-10-03T21:25:00.000-07:00

there is always this point in my life,

where i just wanna to let go off things,

where i just wanna set myself free,

where i just wanna live like my last.

so that, i would not hesitate on letting you know my feelings for you.

but that might be the only point in my life that i don't wanna to happen.

it's been a long time, and it's still freakin cheesy.

i got tumblr now, that is where all the cheesy stuffs go to... :)

life's a fucking playground.

2010-07-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

postman datang!

2010-06-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

2 3 hari aku tunggu.

monday; i heard a postman's honking on my door. it was for my mom.

today's afternoon: sekali lagi dia datang, and this time it was for my dad.

later that day, giving up, went outside to see the clothes that i've hanged earlier.

a motorcycle stopped right in front of my house, directly in front of me.

POS LAJU, it said.

;] hehe... finally, it was for me.

pindah rumah.

2010-06-29T07:12:00.000-07:00

okay. this is it, i guess.

this morning, i helped my dad cleaned the house, washed them, the floor and a little bit on windows. all the doors and windows are sealed. lights are up now, and a few new additions to the house; and it seems that we're maybe unofficially moving tomorrow.

i am not sure whether i like this situation or not.

i am the kind of person, who would hold on too tight on the past, that it is hard when it comes to moving on.

and moving to a new house, leaving the house that has been the only place i grew up with,

this is not a happy feeling.

but then again, maybe this is a kickstart, of creating new memories.

i don't know. i really don't know.

but i do know that i am gonna miss this house.

::moving houses, this is definitely not my cup of tea. hate it.::

fresh air does help.

2010-06-26T05:44:00.000-07:00

it has been two months since the last time i left shah alam, for my hometown.

and today, i had a fight with my dad, this is the first time during this holiday. it wasn't fun... my dad and his ego, me and my ego. but i am still damn sure that i am right. and gonna prove it somehow.

but then again, whether i am right or wrong, that isn't exactly the point.

the point was that i was a bad person. i was being a jerk. an asshole. you name it.

the asshole thing didn't stop there. almost everyone got their share.

and this evening, i went out jogging with my friends, and after that we had char keow teow. (x masuk langsung).

i left home, feeling like the whole world owed me an apology.

and after that i came back home, feeling like the biggest asshole in the world, and the whole world deserve many apologies from me, especially my family.

i guess, fresh air is really good for that clouded mind of mine.

and yeah, money makes me a bad person~~

blurrr?

2010-06-22T05:13:00.001-07:00

another random photos, no editing, no nothing, just a blurry photo.

what are these two? :]

random IV

2010-06-22T04:58:00.000-07:00

random photos taken, around the house.

shalihah yang garang.

2010-06-20T04:34:00.000-07:00

candid!

tepi jalan.

2010-06-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

2010-06-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

pagi tadi, ada pak cik sorang datang rumah, ingat sapa la kan. rupa2 jiran sebelah rumah arwah pak ngah.

dia datang hantar satu bekas kuih yang isteri dia buat, rumah agak dia jauh from my house. but he still came, just to deliver the kuih,

because he used to give kuih2 that the wife made, to my late uncle, when he was still alive.

...

distortion

2010-06-19T04:50:00.001-07:00

time, no rushing please?

2010-06-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

it's 6.23 am, and i am awake. i have taken my early morning shower, and it was freaking cold.

suddenly, there is this one little thought...

~~holiday's coming to an end, and i don't think i like this feeling.

another 2 more weeks~~

no more making my sisters crazy. wait, i can always do that on the phone. :)

Bagan Ajam's RnR

2010-06-16T07:03:00.000-07:00

bunga kering II

2010-06-16T02:16:00.000-07:00

bunga kering.

2010-06-16T02:05:00.000-07:00

sawah padi II

2010-06-15T20:01:00.000-07:00

tv o tv.

2010-06-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

this photo has nothing to with my entry, but cantik.. so.. yeah.

this one is reblogged from someone from tumblr.

kari-shma, this person has got all the beautiful photos in the world. do check her out. [her?]

....

okay, last night, there was a match between Germany and Australia. and shit, i didn't manage to wake up on time for the game,

i did wake up, around 12, but then again, it was raining so heaving with all the lightnings and thunders.

and this morning, my mom told me our tv was struck by lightning last night. by the one that woke me in the middle of the night, it was the biggest of all, i could see a while light when this happened. it was so loud, like it was mad at me or me something. i don't know.

and now, i cannot watch tv. unless i wanna bring the other one in. nevermind, i am gonna leave to my dad, because i know he has to watch his world cup too. :)

sawah padi ~~

2010-06-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

langit.

2010-06-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

tagged. khalidah and muntaz.

2010-06-10T23:07:00.000-07:00

1] Adakah anda happy sekarang?
not sure... more like a mixture of many feelings, all mixed up and folded.

2] Apakah benda yang boleh membuat anda happy?
my loved ones(these are the people can make me extremely happy and maybe make me sad, that's because I care), taking photos and edit them, watching fav series or movies, and other simple things in life, the things that surprisingly can make me happy,--> can't tell cause i wouldn't know that myself unless it happens.

3] Pernahkan anda menerima tag?
- yup, but not that much.

4] Nyatakan warna yang anda suka.
- blue and green, i think. these two are my most preferred colours. honestly speaking, i don't have a specific colour that i like.

5] Berikan 9 orang yang anda mahu tag. Sila beritahu kepada orang yang anda mahu tag supaya dapat respond.
- can i tag those who had tagged me?
i wanna tag Farah, Zarin, Valen, Adda, Nadia Hasnol, Nen, Nyss, Ayuni, Shu... ~~

6] Nyatakan sesuatu tentang orang yang anda tag. Nak tulis panjang berjela pun takpe, asalkan anda happy.

- Farah: remember when we used to go to that aquarium, walking all the way from PKNS, just to go to there, accompanying me watching all the ikan2 there, thanx!.
- Zarin : manusia... yg amat... huish... haish... :)
- Valen : aku rasa ko sesuai dgn kiwi. ntah napa.
- Adda : ur blog, sgt inspiring!
- Nadia Hasnol : i love your bahasa melayu!
- Nen: teman minat rain, tapi lagi setia dari aku, nampknya..
- Nyss: semoga cita2 kamu itu sampai!

- Ayuni : love the words on your blog, tengah marah, berapi, bila, jiwang, jiwang habis!.
- Shu : hg pi dulu, tempat aku nak pi.. :)

7] Ni soalan cepu emas nih. Adakah anda happy dengan apa yang anda ada?

Despite everything that happens, the way I handle my life, i should be damn grateful with my life now.

around the house.

2010-06-08T22:19:00.000-07:00

petang selasa.

2010-06-08T04:17:00.000-07:00

khaled & vel!

2010-06-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

(a) Buat entri berterima kasih atas award yang diberikan.
khalidah, vel! thanks for the blog award. thanks for reading the crap i wrote. :)

(b) Berikan kepada 10 / 20 / 30 orang rakan blog korang.
i am gonna give this award to everyone in my blog list here.. yup, everyone!

(c) Beritahu kepada rakan - rakan korang bahawa mereka memenangi Award tersebut.
err.. we'll see about that :P

(d) Ceritakan 7 perkara mengenai diri sendiri.
1. honestly, i am not really sure what i want to share but i am gonna start off with my name. well, they used to call me Merah. i am not sure why maybe that's an old pronunciation for mira. but i won't be hearing that name being called anymore.

2. i am a fan of nasi bungkus, i like the smell of nasi putih, plus the laukpauk, being wrapped in a piece of old newspaper. ( don't really cook, actually)

3. i only eat fish cooked at home, when eating outside, i have this weird feeling that the fish served there, isn't hygienic enough. sorry, this is just me, being paranoid.

4. when i was little, during the fasting month, me and my sister, we were allowed to go out at night, and we would use this time, playing hide and seek at night with our friends. my top spot of hiding, was beside a neighbour's toilet (jamban).

5. this is something from the past as well. a classmate once farted right in front of my face, and he's all grown up, and is working muzium negara. and i find that hard to believe, cause i still have his image of him, being a 12 year-old boy.

6. i am pretty sure that many people know this. i love jensen and jared, together. and had this fantasy of them being gay. this is definitely a fantasy of mine, as jared's married, and jensen's getting married. their brotherly love is just so freaking sweet.. <3

7. and i miss him.

hangat2 tahi ayam.

2010-06-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

monday, 7th of June, 2010, marked the last day of my short working experience at Kasatani something2. the last time i worked at a factory, it lasted for 12 days. and this time, 10 days only, minus the days off. this time, it is not a social work anymore cause i did send my resignation's letter earlier.

despite the short period of time being there, i've met a few great people, who laughed and complained together, everyday. :)

i know you guys won't be reading this but what the heck!

kenny: you were my senior back in primary years, one that i never talked to before. but it is a great pleasure, talking to you now. :) hey, you'll be a great counselor once posted!

ain: hope to see you in Shah Alam, soon.

yana: don't get married yet, you are so freaking young, go live your life first!

Kak Yati : that poor woman is just jealous of you. or maybe she likes you :P

Kak Ta: a woman, young at heart. stay that way forever.

i am gonna miss you guys...

but definitely not the punching and screwing that little thing, i did feel like a zombie during the working hours, and my eyes, those things are just too freaking small, especially for my fingers.

....

as i was punching, and screwing. my phone vibrated.

i decided to just ignore it... but then my instinct told me to look at it.

it was my dad's. he knew that i was worked and phone calls are strictly prohibited.

i felt weird, scared. curious as well.

i picked it up, looking around. not wanting what i would hear from my dad. it felt like dejavu all over again, only this time, my phone was switched on. i could not really hear him. i put him on hold.. and ran to the toilet.

called him again. and this was he asked me "apa number keta, wjd apa?"

ayah!!!!

sigh.. phone calls can be really disturbing now. especially from my family.